- I don't drink enough water.
- When I eat healthily, any control of food portions go out the window.
- I have zero self esteem.
Anyway, there was this one girl in my class who did a powerpoint on Anorexia.
Everyone was making really loud comments about how "they looked like skeletons" and "EWWW" and such.
And yeah, some of them... were a little to skinny (in my opinion) ... but almost all of them made me want to cry as I'd look up at the screen, then down at my thighs overflowing on the sides of the plastic seat. Wishing won't get me there.
And praying probably won't either...
I'm upset.
With myself.
I can't keep the motivation up.
I can't resist offers of foo-
wait.
Today was offered some chocolate wafers at lunch. I SAID NO! =D
And had a salad (with admittedly probably a bit too much dressing, but hey, lettuce, carrot, alfalfa sprouts ... that's pretty good) for recess and a yoghurt for lunch.
-sigh-
I don't know.
My mind is a bit off the rails..
Stress maybe?
Probably.
Who knows these days though... ?
Scared of the scales.
Not going to get onto them for a long time I've decided.
Not til I think I'm well and truly below 67.
Going to take this is 3kg baby steps.
Will probably flip and freak out if I'm not 67 when I get onto the scales thinking I am.
Trying to get Mum to buy us some digital scales which will be really accurate rather than the ancient ones we have.
I have to crouch on them so that I can see where the tiny red line lands.
Lucy - Can we get some digitial scales?
Mum - When they're on sale.
Lucy - ie. Never.
Mum - [looks blankly, knowing I'm right]
biggest cheap-skate ever.
IF we get new scales, then I WILL weigh no matter what just so I can compare the two sets of scales.
RAWRAEGFSHRTJTYSJARTHJYS raging at my body.
HATE IT.
and now I have to pee :/
Adios x
ps. Just re-read this all.
Sorry for the raging mood swing.
I'm not even sleep deprived.
Just blegh.
Going to go pee, change, and go onto the treadmill.
Had another mood swing (my period is due, okay?) and realised sitting here moaning about how pathetic I am isn't going to fix a darn thing.
Adios II x
pss.
Issyla and Mich .. you girls were wonderful :)
Mich, "I AM the cool kids club" ..biggest smile I've had all day !
♥
1 comments:
Glad to make you smile. :)
I've had the same experience in school - in psych class when we were talking about eating disorders, and ppl were saying "why would anyone want to look sick?" I'm sitting there thinking "God I wish I looked that thin..."
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