My past few days in length.

I'm mentally planning this to be a short post as at current, it is 7:33pm and am hoping to be in bed by 9. That way I can wake at 6am, run on the treadmill, have a shower and get ready for school to leave the house by 7:52am. Rather precise ayy, haha. Also, I need to start getting consistent amounts of sleep. No more of this 4 hours one night, 9 the next, then 6 and back to 4. I have the beginnings of dark circles forming under my eyes and eye bags are not attractive. Plus my skin needs time to heal (acne etc.) and I Want To Grow Taller! I haven't grown taller in years... not kidding :/. I now have a feeling that this won't be a short post. Hmm... We'll find out together I suppose.

1. Bonfires and boys :)
I went to a bonfire night with my youth group on Friday night. Was the first time all of the school term that I had actually been allowed to go. Was an amazing night out! There's this one particular boy there... okay well he turns 18 in a few weeks (and I turn 16 two weeks after his birthday), let's call him J. Hadn't seen him in 2+months. ie. A loooong time!
A few months ago, if you had asked me if I liked him, I would've said yes, but I wasn't sure how much or in which ways, but over time, I've worked it out.. I really, really like him :)
He's charming and handsome and also a Christian! Sat talking with him on a tree log for at least an hour by the fire :) A couple of my friends at youth reckons he likes me!

>>> A little context
There is this other guy in my life, lets call him B. I first started liking him September 2009, and til recenly still did a bit. We're still incredibly close friends, but we both know, as we have discussed it, that there is no relationship beyond what we already have, and til a few weeks ago, I was a bit asdfghjkl; about that, but now... it's good :)
But the issue with him was that for at least 5 months early on, it really did seem like the feelings were mutual and that it was going to go somewhere... it didn't. I got very confused, felt lost and just generally was a little heart-broken/felt led on/stupid/being a hormonal teenage girl.

So pretty much for me to feel this way about a guy again after having the whole issue with B is pretty big, as for a fair while there, I wanted nothing to do with boys outside of the rhelms of friendship.
J is really lovely :) *giggles like a little girl with too much sugar in her bloodstream :)*
And funny :)
And interesting :)
And etc. yeah :) hahaha
Mooooving on before I totally forget about everything else going on in my life.... :P

2. Finals, failure and guilt.
Had my netball preliminary final yesterday (Saturday) and we lost by 4 or 6 or something. I don't really care too much for the difference; the fact that we lost and I feel responsible for it is enough. I:
a. went into the game feeling really nervous and negative. That's never good for anything.
b. Had to fill in for our shooter, even though I'm usually (always) in a defensive position. She was at the snow with school... We lost, my shooting sucked and I feel I really let the team down.

Over the past 5 years or so, I've become a very emotional person who cries too easily. Not one of those people who pathetically cry in everything, but if I feel hurt emotionally or I'm watching something sad, eg. someone died and everyone is crying, then I cry too. Doesn't help that my parents/sister and I don't always get along and we argue a lot. Means I cry a lot. It's bad.

I was holding back tears as we huddled at the end of the game as the coach congratulated us on making it so far in the competition. Mum noticed I was a bit fdsggfhgfa as did some other mothers and they all tried to cheer me up with reminders that it's a 'team sport' and that I 'played so well' yah-di-dah. Etc. Blah. Mmmm...

So yes, that bit of my Saturday sucked, and to add to that, had a pretty big arguement with my parents and my sister today. So surprise, surprise, cried today. Was just so frustrated at everything that I cut the top of my hand on a coat hanger.. wasn't on purpose, I was just helplessly freaking out/hitting the clothes in my wardrobe/feeling a litte out of control/agry/sad/mad/confused/bleh.
It isn't that bad, but it was an eye opener. Sometime I wonder if I'm slightly bipolar so such. I don't know, but my.. it is frightening.

Failures:
- possibly English at school because of laziness with assignments
- self control with my eating habits. I currently feel like a blimp
- family relationships
- let the netball team down
- etc.

And so this all has me thinking that J deserves a person who is Happy and not so messed up. -sigh- but oh I lile him so very much.

ANYWAY.

3. Couple questions:
a. Followers!! What are your links? I'm not following some of you in return simply because I don't know what the URL for it is. Would be cool if we could cross-communicate.

b. Are there any Christians here reading this? Let me know :)
Cool verse for any who are:

I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13 NIV
I think it's some of the best motivation I've had in a long time!

c. Why can't life be one long weekend?
:)

4. School
Officially picked my year 11/12 subjects!
They are:
English Advanced + Extension

Maths 2 Unit + Extension
Ancient History
Biology
Visual Arts
Society and Culture
14 units! Can't wait for senior school :-)
 
 
 
So yeahhhhhhh.... thus ich mine life currently, kinda, sorta, mainly, I don't know.
Love peace joy happiness fruit. It tastes pretty good.
 
ADIOS.
I'm sleepy.